Life Quotes
80 Best Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings
Looking for the best sarcastic quotes? We’ve compiled a list of top 80 funny sarcastic sayings and awesome quotes about sarcasm.
Top 80 Sarcastic Quotes And Sarcasm Sayings
80
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright
79
“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
78
“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
77
“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”
76
“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”
75
“If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”
74
“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”
73
“Are you always so stupid or is today a special ocassion?”
72
“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
71
“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”
70
“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”
69
“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
68
“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”
67
“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
66
“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”
65
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
64
“Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
63
“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”
62
“Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”
61
“Find your patience before I lose mine.”
60
“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
59
“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
58
“Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”
57
“Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”
56
“Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.”
55
“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”
54
“I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.”
53
“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
52
“Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.”
51
“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”
50
“People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”
49
“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
48
“My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”
47
“Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.”
46
“Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard.”
45
“Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”
44
“My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”
43
“Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”
42
“Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”
41
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
40
“I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”
39
“I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.”
38
“I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”
37
“Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”
36
“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”
35
“I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
34
“That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.”
33
“Life’s good, you should get one.”
32
“No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”
31
“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!”
30
“I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
29
“Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.”
28
“Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”
27
“I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…”
26
“Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”
25
“Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”
24
“If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.”
23
“Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.”
22
“Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”
21
“Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?”
20
“You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.”
19
“If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.”
18
“Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”
17
“Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”
16
“You always do me a favor, when you shut up!”
15
“Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.”
14
“I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”
13
“Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.”
12
“Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”
11
“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
10
“Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”
9
“My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.”
8
“If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”
7
“You sound better with your mouth closed.”
6
“If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.”
5
“I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.”
4
“If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”
3
“If I promise to miss you, will you go away?”
2
“I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.”
1
“Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.”
Here are the best quotes from the famous peoples about the LIFE!
Famous Life Quotes of Abraham Lincoln
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing.”
“The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.”
“If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend six sharpening my axe.”
“And in the end it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
Famous Life Quotes of Mark Twain
“I have never let schooling interfere with my education.”
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.”
“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”
Famous Life Quotes of Martin Luther King Jr.
Martin Luther King Jr
“I have a dream that my 4 children will one day live in a nation where they will be judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
“A man can’t ride your back unless it’s bent.”
“Rarely do we find men who willingly to engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.”
“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
Famous Life Quotes of Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill
“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”
“The heights of great men reached and kept, Were not attained by sudden flight, But they, while their companions slept, Were toiling upwards in the night.”
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
“Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened.”
Famous Life Quotes of Mother Teresa
Mother Teresa
“Kind words are short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”
“Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”
“There should be less talk; a preaching point is not a meeting point. What do you do then? Take a broom and clean someone’s house. That says enough.”
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
Famous Life Quotes of Mahatma Gandhi
Mahatma Gandhi
“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
“A “No” uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a “Yes” merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
Famous Life Quotes of Henry Ford
Henry Ford
“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”
“If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability.”
“You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.”
“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.”
“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 20 or 80. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.”
Famous Life Quotes of Pablo Picasso
Pablo Picasso
“When I was a child, my mother said to me, ‘If you become a soldier, you’ll be a general. If you become a monk you’ll end up as the pope. ‘Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.”
“Some painters transform the sun into a yellow spot; others transform a yellow spot into the sun.”
“I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it.”
“Success is dangerous. One begins to copy oneself, and to copy oneself is more dangerous than to copy others. It leads to sterility.”
“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.”
Famous Life Quotes of Socrates
“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
“Virtue does not come from wealth, but wealth, and every other good thing which men have, comes from virtue.”
“I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.”
“True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing. And in knowing that you know nothing, that makes you the smartest of all.”
“The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear.”
Famous Life Quotes of Maya Angelou
Maya Angelou
“If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”
“Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and renders the present inaccessible.”
“If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don’t be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning “Good morning” at total strangers.”
“The quality of strength lined with tenderness is an unbeatable combination, as are intelligence and necessity when unblunted by formal education.”
“Without courage you cannot practice any of the other virtues.”
Famous Life Quotes of The Bible
“Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help lift him up.”
“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”
“If the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.”
“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”
“A wise man may look ridiculous in the company of fools.”
Famous Life Quotes of Sigmund Freud
“What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.”
“One must not be mean with the affections; what is spent of the fund is renewed in the spending itself.”
“Just as a cautious businessman avoids investing all his capital in one concern, so wisdom would probably admonish us also not to anticipate all our happiness from one quarter alone.”
“No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy.”
“A man should not strive to eliminate his complexes but to get into accord with them, for they are legitimately what directs his conduct in the world.”
Famous Life Quotes of Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein
“If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.”
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
“Physical concepts are free creations of the human mind, and are not, however it may seem, uniquely determined by the external world.”
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
“Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are not even capable of forming such opinions.”
“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.”
“Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value.”
Life Quotes of Leonardo da Vinci
“Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses it purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.”
“Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory.”
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”
“You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand.”
Famous Life Quotes of Miles Davis
“A legend is an old man with a cane known for what he used to do. I’m still doing it.”
“I’ll play it first and tell you what it is later.”
“I’m always thinking about creating. My future starts when I wake up every morning. Every day I find something creative to do with my life.”
“Sometimes you have to play for a long time to be able to play like yourself.”
“It’s not about standing still and becoming safe. If anybody wants to keep creating they have to be about change.”
2. It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.
3. Admire someone else’s beauty without questioning your own.
4. ‘Grow through what you go through’ Love Yourself Quotes Pouch.
5. Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, “Oh crap, she’s up!”
6. ‘Love yourself’ Self-love Quotes Tote Bag.
7. Some things take time.
8. I think everybody’s weird. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it.
9. Loving yourself isn’t vanity. It is sanity.
10. ‘Loving myself’ Self-love Quotes Beach Towel.
11. My imperfections make me beautiful.
12. ‘Inhale confidence, exhale doubt’ Love Yourself Quotes Canvas Unisex 3/4 Raglan.
13. No regrets in life. Just lessons learned.
14. Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
15. Girrrl!! You are inspiring and beautiful.
16. Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break.
17. You are free to fail – A letter to me.
18. To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
19. Inhale confidence. Exhale doubt.
20. ‘Inhale confidence, exhale doubt’ Love Yourself Quotes Next Level Racerback Tank.
21. I will be the best that I can be.
22. Love Yourself Quotes Pouch.
23. Our first and last love is self-love.
24. Self-pity gets you nowhere.
25. You are amazing. You are brave. You are strong.
Read Your Daily Self Love Bible Quotes
Reading a daily dose of self-love bible quotes will help you think of good things will happen for you today. It is necessary for anyone to have a peace of mind every morning. So, why not read these self-love bible quotes to help you get through your days and think “there is always light at the end of the tunnel”.
26. God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and of s sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
27. When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.
28. I will WALK BY FAITH even when I can not see. 2 Corinthians 5:7
29. “This is my COMMAND – be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go.”
30. “Be STRONG and COURAGEOUS. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. -Deuteronomy 31:6
31. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your HEART. – Jeremiah 29:13
32. Let all that you do be done with love. -1 Corinthians
33. Dear Lord, When feelings of inferiority, insecurity, and self-doubt creep into my heart, help me to see myself the way you do.
Remember Your Beauty by these Empowering Self Love Quotes
You might think you are not beautiful but we are here to remind you otherwise. No one is ugly in this world. It’s just that you are different from the mainstream people. It is always good to be different. Remember, everyone is different from other people, you cannot be like someone completely without losing yourself. It is better to be different than to lose yourself while trying to be cool or popular.
34. You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. – Marcus Aurelius
35. A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we do things.
36. Let your inner voice speak louder than the opinions of others.
37. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
38. Be your own crazy, weird, wonderful self.
39. Act as if what you do makes a difference.
40. I am loved, I shine bright.
41. It is never too late to be what you might have been.
42. I believe in myself. I deserve to accomplish my goals.
43. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.
44. Exist to be happy, not to impress.
45. A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
46. Be full of self-worth.
47. Self-care is never a selfish act; it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have.
48. Self-love school. Lessons for cultivating your most important relationship.
49. Wanna know what the new relation ship goal is? Self-love is the new relationship goals.
50. She made a promise to herself to hold her own well-being sacred.
51. If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet.
52. The relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.
53. It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
54. Love yourself so much that when someone treats you wrong, you recognize it.
55. When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy.
56. Stop underestimating yourself.
57. ‘Love yourself first’ Self-love Quotes White Mug.
58. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self.
59. ‘Love your curves’ Love Yourself Quotes One-Piece Swimsuit.
60. To establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our success.
61. ‘Keep Going’ Inspirational Love Yourself Quotes Towel.
62. Our self-respect tracks our choices every time we act in harmony.
63. Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth.
Feel Like a Prince and Princess with these Disney Self Love Quotes
Do not doubt your self-worth and stop questioning your purpose in living in this world we call Earth. Nothing beats the Disney movies when you are looking for self love quotes. The main purpose of these Disney films is to show the importance of oneself, that there are happy-ever-afters and the importance of love. From Pocahontas to Cinderella to Toy Story, every movie made and produced by Disney is made to make anyone remember to love themselves.
64. The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you UNIQUE. – Walt Disney
65. In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and -SNAP- the job’s a game! – Mary Poppins
66. All you need is FAITH, TRUST and a little PIXIE DUST. – Peter Pan
67. I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. – Douglas Adams
It is never easy to pull yourself up when you are down. You might need your family and friends to do so. Being alone can help you sometimes but most of the time, you will need someone to listen to your doubts and fears. There is a saying, “no mans an island”. You might think that you can do it by yourself, but it is never wrong to ask your friends to listen to you when your family cannot.
Asking other people’s help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you are strong. Because admitting you need help takes courage and a lot of guts.
Do not forget to love yourself. Others might try to pull you down but you have to be strong to be able to move forward and live your future with a smile on your face.
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