Whenever you feel sad just remember that there are billions of cells in your body and all they care about is you.
I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius, and we’re skeptical. – Arthur C. Clarke
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. – Benjamin Franklin
Shoot for the moon, because even if you fail you made a rocket to get you into space which is more impressive than Karen on Facebook...
Most people are only alive because it’s illegal to shoot them. — Unknown
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ — Tommy Cooper
“If I were a bird, I’d fly straight into a ceiling fan.” Red (That 70’s Show) —
“A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.” Unknown —
“I’ve realized you can use a fork as a spoon if you use it rapidly enough.” John Mayer —
“Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.” Unknown —
“They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine was hit by a truck…” Unknown —
“During a test, people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.” Unknown —
“I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning.” Unknown —
“If God made everything, then God must be Chinese?” Unknown —
Next time your girl wants you to take her somewhere expensive, take her to the gas station, almost 5.00/gallon. — Unknown
I hate when I go to bed and I forget to turn my swag off. — Unknown
“I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.” Woodrow Wilson (president) —
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” Douglas Adams —
I did a few researchers to get that information. — Ellen Hasselbalch
“The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you’re swimming and when you’re angry.” Unknown —
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