If you watch Home Alone backwards, it’s a story about two men who are helped out of traps by a young child, who then cleans them...
“Wouldn’t it be nice if the world was flat? That way we could just push off the people we don’t like.” Unknown —
“I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.”...
Trying to understand you is like trying to smell the color 9. — Unknown
Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. — Unknown
A politician is a fellow who will lay your life down for his country. — Unknown
I’m so broke, I can’t even pay attention. — Unknown
Alarm Clocks: because every morning should begin with a heart attack. — Unknown
If you are one in a million, there are six thousand people just like you. — Unknown
Insanity does not run in my family; it strolls through, takes it’s time, and gets to know everyone personally. — Unknown
I’m great in bed; I can sleep for days. — Unknown
If, someday, we all go to prison for downloading music; I hope they separate us by genres. — Unknown
Silence is golden; duct tape is silver. — Unknown
Of course I’m not perfect; there’s a crack in my ass! — Unknown
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says, ‘Oh crap, she’s up.’ — Unknown
I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life; if I die next Tuesday. — Unknown
Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead. — Bill McGlashen
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, just try missing a couple of payments. — Earl Wilson
When your ex says ‘you’ll never find anyone like me’, reply with ‘that’s the point. — Unknown
Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off. — Unknown
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