You just be honest about who you are, and if you don’t end up with any friends then good for you. — Chelsea Handler
I like to stay at home and sit on my ass. — Chelsea Handler
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second… or the fifth. I’ll just begin with...
It’s been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is truly a...
People are always like, “Oh, she’s such a bitch.” I’m like, “Yeah, I am a bitch, actually.” — Chelsea Handler
I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people. — Chelsea Handler
There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink and people who collect stickers. — Chelsea Handler
Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either. — Chelsea Handler
I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid. — Chelsea Handler